Ready or not, here they come — the annual (tongue in cheek) resolutions for 2018.
I RESOLVE to at least set up the new bike riding machine my wife bought me in an effort to get me physically fit.
I RESOLVE to not bore my employees with the same excuses on why I don’t work as hard anymore. I’ll think of some new excuses.
I RESOLVE to stop sending emails to my wife since she doesn’t ever open her computer anyway.
I RESOLVE to give up chocolates entirely. Hey, the Chocolate Affair is going to be a real test of wills. (Do you really believe this?)
I RESOLVE to spend less time watching television. (If you believe this, then I’d like to talk to you about your buying the Brooklyn Bridge).
I RESOLVE to try and understand why so many people are hooked on video games. I can’t figure out how to run the devices.
I RESOLVE to try and find out what is in a BIG MAC that makes me so attracted to it.
I RESOLVE to stick to my New Years Resolutions for at least a week. I RESOLVE to clean out my refrigerator more often so I don’t get food poisoning from eating old food. (My wife warns me about this all the time.).
I RESOLVE to explain to my wife the game of football. After all, you know she doesn’t know much about it when she asks me what a ‘First Down’ is anyway.
I RESOLVE to try and remember what New Years Resolutions I made last year. Can’t for the life of me remember.
I RESOLVE to lose 75 pounds this year. Losing them isn’t the problem. The problem is I always FIND them again.
I RESOLVE to renew the gym membership I have that I never use.
I RESOLVE to quit hanging out with people who tell me how dumb these resolutions are.
I RESOLVE to ask the Minnesota State Highway Department why, when you leave Canby there is a sign telling you where Porter and Marshall are but there is no mention of Minneota. And when you leave Marshall there is a sign telling you where Ghent and Canby are, but there is, again, no mention of Minneota. Does this mean Minneota does not really exist? (By the way, I resolve this same resolution every year and I’ve yet to get an explanation).
I RESOLVE to stop making these stupid resolutions. (Since I never keep these anyway, it’s likely I’ll have them again next year).
I RESOLVE to understand why people don’t like Lutefisk. I think it should be named a Gourmet food if you ask me.
I RESOLVE to eat more Belgian Waffles just so I can stay closer to all those nice folks in Ghent.
I RESOLVE, most of all, to keep printing the Minneota Mascot for all our loyal readers.
LAUGH A LITTLE: Play it again Sam! What do you get when you play a country song backwards? You get your house back, your job back, your truck back, your dog back and your wife back!
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: As my Ole Pappy used to say, “I complained because I had no shoes.” But then, “I met a man who had no feet.” Ole Pappy was practical, and was always able to give me a lesson with an analogy.
Thanks Ole Pappy!