As a newspaperman, I’ve trained myself to see writing mistakes when I read them. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I shake my head and wonder, “What were they thinking?”
About now some readers are saying, “So why doesn’t he catch his own mistakes?”
My only answer is, “It’s not that easy to catch your own mistakes — that’s why we have proofreaders. But sometimes they miss them, too.”
Anyway, when someone sent me this list of church ladies and things they’ve written in church bulletins, I just had to pass them along to you.
Some of them need to be read a couple of times.
Let it sink in.
You’ll have a good laugh over most of them.
So enjoy, I sure did!
LAUGH A LITTLE:
Church ladies with typewriters: These Church Bulletin items were submitted to me at the Mascot. I didn’t invent them.
Here they are:
•The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
•Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
•The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
•Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
•Don’t let worry kill you off — let the Church help. •For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
•Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. •Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
•A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
•At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
•Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
•Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
•The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
•Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. — prayer and medication to follow.
•The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday.
•This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
•The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
•Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
•The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
•Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
And this one just about sums them all up:
•The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge — Up Yours.’
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: As Ole Pappy used to say, “Opportunities are like sunsets. If you wait too long you’ll miss them.”
Ole Pappy always told me when I drive or walk past something I think will make a great picture, stop and take it. It won’t be there when you come back. I think that’s what he meant by the opportunities saying.
Thanks Ole Pappy!