A relative recently handed me a copy of a very clever piece and I’ve decided to use it here. I did not write this, but I found it very clever.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word in history. And that word is: UP! It’s listed in the dictionary as an adverb, preposition, adjective, noun or verb. It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car. At other times, this little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but being dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now ... because my time is UP!
Oh — one more thing. What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night. U P Did that one crack you UP? Don’t screw UP!
end this to everyone. Look UP their address in your book ... or not ... it’s UP to you! Now, I’ll shut UP!
LAUGH A LITTLE: The dumbest police calls: From the police blotter, or, what a beat cop deals with every day:
• A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mailboxes. It was the mail carrier.
• A woman said her son was attacked by a cat. She said the cat would not allow her to take her son to the hospital.
• A resident said someone had entered his home at night and taken five pounds of bacon. Upon further investigation, police discovered his wife had gotten up for a late-night snack. • A man reported that a squirrel was running in circles on Davis Drive, and he wasn’t sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car. An officer responded, and as he drove on the street, he ran over the squirrel.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: As my Ole Pappy used to say, “You know what a camera is don’t you? It’s a mirror with a memory!” Ole Pappy got me laughing at that one. But he was right. A negative never forgets or changes.
The photo can be destroyed, but the proof is always there if you keep the original. Thanks Ole Pappy! Oh, by the way, Ole Pappy also used to say: Love me or hate me! Either one is in my favor. If you love me — I’ll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I’ll always be in your mind.
While Ole Pappy said this, he was quick to tell me William Shakespeare said it first. Ole Pappy loved Shakespeare. Well, I think he did because he was always quoting him, like, “To be or not to be, that is the question?”
I asked Ole Pappy, “To be or not to be WHAT?” He never had an answer for that one. Thanks again, Ole Pappy!